Be at peace with your role

I was thinking about relationships this past week. My own personal past relationships, others’, the break ups, how we get together,etc. I’ve had my own in love moments and slight obsessions. But I was thinking about my I guess most recent relationship. The break up wasn’t how I wanted, and those details don’t matter really, because it was something impending I believe; however I’d rather it ended differently.  Whatever.

 

Anyway, I still dealt with him on and off, and the last conversation consisted of him telling me he had a girlfriend. Immediately, a rush of emotions came about. Because in my mind, how dare he all of a sudden to get balls to tell ME  of all people,  that he has a girlfriend like he wants to be faithful or something, but that didn’t stop the show when you cheated on me! Then tell me I missed my chance, motherfucker no I didn’t!  And besides, I wasn’t trying to get back with him, I just wanted to fuck. But, I said some things, he said some things, I let it go, I calmed down, and reminded myself of how we had a good run, but he wasn’t right for me anyhow. The city we lived was not right for me. He, in saying I missed my chance, showed me he really didn’t learn shit. If he did, he could have something different; still dismissive, but not THAT insinuation, oh no.  Remembering my terrible my anxiety, and emotions were at that time, reminded me as well.

 

And I began to relax. Sometimes I have to go through certain emotions, but i always come around to checking myself, self therapy if you will. I can talk myself through just about anything. You have to give yourself closure sometimes. You can’t bank everything will go the way you think it will in your playbook. Learning yourself helps with the process. You have to know your triggers, be honest about how you act, your emotions must be stable, learn to switch up using your heart and mind. you cant just use one all the time. They must be balanced in use.

 

I learned how to get over and still maintain my dignity ( kinda, lol).

I learned my role. I figured since I grew up and matured since and while being with him, he had to; and he had talked about it. It just didn’t go how I thought it would. And that’s ok. That’s a door God wanted closed. And I’m ok with that. My role was to grow and flourish into a better woman and also to help him grow as well. I wished him luck on his new ventures. I know there is someone out there for me. I may have many suitors, but one Knight in shining Armour. I don’t know who he is, or when he will come, and I’m not worried about it. I love me, and my kids and myself are all I need.

 

Peace and Blessings

 

 

Published by Hydroponica

Im a care free, introverted, impulsive, food lovin, munchy havin', optimistic curvy thirty something who loves her kids, and the people in her circle. I love giving advice and passing along what I learn. I want to live life doing what I love, being a secret rebel, while dismissing uncultivated goofballs! Talk to ya soon!

2 thoughts on “Be at peace with your role

  1. I love this. We as women have to sometimes sever our heart from our minds and even our cookie so we can focus on what is truly important in life and love. It is very true that sometimes you have to lose someone to find yourself.
    I am so happy you have found a peace of mind in the situation and learned what you needed about YOU. Ronnie I have known you via Facebook for a few years, probably about five or six by now, so I like to think I kinda know you on some level besides just social media. I am so used to you (and I, lol) kicking in backs so to speak in the various groups and formats we have in common, but I always knew you were intelligent and profound. This entry proves I was right.
    I myself went through a self awakening. I had to re-evaluate my life. Here I am 42, divorced, kids all almost grown, but I wasn’t happy. I had jump-offs…not a boyfriend, man or even husband.
    I was letting life pass me by, meanwhile I was giving my greatest gifts to men who weren’t worthy.
    I prayed and was patient. I took a vow of celibacy, something in my at the time 41 years I had never done, and I didn’t seek the comfort of a man. I realized I didn’t need it. I found me. I still am cool with the men I once gave myself to, but I look at them differently now because I look at me differently now.
    I, as are you, are worthy. I have been celibate a little over a year, I have a man I have been getting to know for a year now. He is in prison (and I met him without judgement on my part), I was still and patient, I asked God to send me who he saw fit. He and I met completely on accident…I answered an associate’s phone and he was on it calling from jail. I never inquired about him…six months later I received a letter…he was (at first) solely interested in my writing. Now a year later we are just a little more than friends. But for the first time in my life I can honestly say I took the time to learn a man before I allowed him entrance into my temple.
    So, like you I had to take a good long look at my life and find what was best and worked for me, and yes, it had been hard at times, I even shed tears for the meaningless relationship I had to cut loose in the beginning of my journey. Luckily we were able to salvage a friendship in the end. But I think now we both realize that sometimes we force what isn’t meant to be simply because it is all we know.
    Good luck my sister. You will find who is meant for you…or he will find you.

    Like

    1. I love you my sister and thank you for your support! We must continue to be one anothers village in this world, lest we be lost in the sauce!! push on baby! No right or wrong way to do you!

      Like

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