Omg ya’ll! i bought some make up today!! Like actual contour, and foundation and all that jazz! Now it might not seem like a big thing for most of you, but to know me, is to be happy for me. Because I am not a mua or a make up connoisseur . I have an artistic side, but my hands all over the place with it. But as a grown woman, I have always wanted to dabble in it, and I have with mascara, eyebrows, and even eyelashes! (not too shabby, might I add). But never the whole shabang. And I am excited! But the other thing is the fact that I spent the money on it, and the feeling after. I’m cheap; to an extent. But I will spend money QUICK on food, or electronics or some b.s. Isn’t that problematic as hell!? On a normal scale, no. On a personal level, yes!
On a personal level, its a problem because I feel i shouldnt be like that. I shouldnt hold myself back from investing in myself to do something that may very well become a hobby or something I really end up enjoy doing and may be good at. Who knows where it can go. And that can apply to anything, with anybody!
I am a strong advocate in using what you have; talents, resources, imagination, etc. I’ve made money throughout the years by just cooking, and baking, hustling candy bags. The need was there and I love to be able to be the one to provide a need and take care of myself at the same time. I didn’t worry about if it will work or not I JUST DID IT. I applied some tonight, and after approval of someone a more expert than me, I will have my conclusion, learn tips, better shades, get new eye shadow, and get used to a different face once I beat it; used to freak myself out altering my face with makeup, but it always looks good!
I consider this my self care, my spoons, my reserve. You MUST have some YOU in reserve. I tell my friends all the time and have to remind myself, if you dont take care of you, you cant take care of anybody else. I get so caught up with trying to keep up with the bills, and kids growing, the car maintenance, and wallowing in depression ( especially during the winter time) that I literally feel guilty to do something for myself, nevermind a piece of chocolate or something. Does that count. Kind of; in between time. But it doesn’t fully refuel you. And today I feel like I stepped my toe out the box with something so simple. I mean I literally waited YEARS to get to this point: TO PICK AND PURCHASE.
And I’m damn proud of myself. I felt like I made a huge personal step. Its small. But it will lead to other things. And most importantly, it mattered to ME. That’s what counts. When you know you give so much, and you know it can’t be reciprocated( for whatever reason, although not always necessary), you have to take care of you. You’re the only one that can do it best and you have to start; how can someone contribute if you don’t? The reserve will dry up quickly, with a refill from someone else. You need your juice. And you have to know how because there will come a time where you are the only one that can rejuvenate you. And you have to practice; not just mentally. And everything doesn’t have to cost money. Just keep busy.
Stay thirsty my friends. Refill.Keep going.