Let’s talk about bad energy, toxicity, character and personality defects. What about it you say? Well, simply put, if somebody makes you feel anything other than your best self, encouraging, supportive, understanding, empathetic. This applies to anyone! Family, friends, coworkers, anyone!
A lot of times peoples relationships are so imbalanced and don’t even understand why or can even recognize it. Unequally yoked can apply to most things in life, not just religiously. You can be in it to win it, and the other person in it to survive. There are some people that are so needy, its a way of life. They don’t even realize they hurt people; well some don’t. The rest know exactly what they’re doing. But some people choose not to address their demons.
For example, a parent can know because they’re your parent that you will bend over backwards and deflect any complaint or logical need expressed to self preserve. Instead they make it all about themselves. They like control because they have had it for so long and have no created a lane for themselves, separate from their children or even spouse. That’s why its important for people to remember that life , people needs and situations change and you have to flow with the change. You can’t live your life through another. And guess what else. Its OK TO LET GO OF YOUR PARENT. Sometimes you have to learn to love from afar. Love them for the position they hold in your life, but you are not obligated to deal with someone else trash. You can love someone while they sort their mess and even offer advice. But guess what. Even conjoined twins aren’t the same. You cannot help someone sort through their mess. People don’t even always tell therapists everything, so do you think they will say “this is why i act like this and that”? Not at all. At the end of the day everyone is an individual and have they’re own life. I shouldn’t have to speak on significant others but i will. You don’t have to deal with someone just because you have put in time or have children. What does time mean? Nothing at all. You don’t continue to invest money on a stock that continues to drop with no progress do you? You don’t keep those favorite shoes after the heel broke do you? You eventually get rid of that first couch can’t you? YES YES YES YES! So Ima tell you what your problem is.
Your problem is that you’re holding on to that first spark. That honeymoon phase. Those butterflies that done been got eaten by a bird. Those tingles that have dulled. RELATIONSHIPS ARE WORK. But it takes TWO. So if its just you putting in work and the other person blatantly doesn’t care? Its your move. You cant rekindle by yourself what two people created. People have to remember that yes, two are one blah, blah.. Bump that.
I say that two people are two individuals that come together to be individuals together. People get so caught up in the media image of what is supposed to be, so of course people don’t see the tears and disagreements behind closed doors. Everybody has those; how you get through and resolve is what counts. But if you’re in an abusive or toxic relationship, ain’t none of that going on. More than likely someone is trying to out do, over power, jealous of, etc of their spouse. But AS AN INDIVIDUAL some people have no learned or cultivated the skill of communication; so they can’t possibly speak to you about what they may want help with, or what the problem is. Hell they have to even recognize their own crap in the first place; which is the root of most problems. People don’t learn themselves. Nobody has everything figured out; but to continue to grow is key. If you can’t think, someone doesn’t let you be yourself with your own friends and life, then leave. Its not healthy. A relationship is not ownership. Its two people who want to be themselves ( if they know who they know who they are) together. Simple. That takes the stress off. You’re not living your life FOR anybody else. Even your children.
If you cannot progress in a relationship, while dealing with parents, in a job; let it go. I promise you, your energy will change and the RIGHT stuff you need in your life will draw to you. Love yo’ brown self like nobody else will. Because no one can do it better than YOU. Reserve that right to protect yourself, your energy, keep your anxiety soothed, mind clear; PUT UP THAT FORCE FIELD!! Get thee behind me ol angry with yoself looking somebody. If you think about it too much, might mean some changes have to be made. Handle that, yo. L.Y.B.S