I was thinking about relationships this past week. My own personal past relationships, others’, the break ups, how we get together,etc. I’ve had my own in love moments and slight obsessions. But I was thinking about my I guess most recent relationship. The break up wasn’t how I wanted, and those details don’t matter really, because it was something impending I believe; however I’d rather it ended differently. Whatever.
Anyway, I still dealt with him on and off, and the last conversation consisted of him telling me he had a girlfriend. Immediately, a rush of emotions came about. Because in my mind, how dare he all of a sudden to get balls to tell ME of all people, that he has a girlfriend like he wants to be faithful or something, but that didn’t stop the show when you cheated on me! Then tell me I missed my chance, motherfucker no I didn’t! And besides, I wasn’t trying to get back with him, I just wanted to fuck. But, I said some things, he said some things, I let it go, I calmed down, and reminded myself of how we had a good run, but he wasn’t right for me anyhow. The city we lived was not right for me. He, in saying I missed my chance, showed me he really didn’t learn shit. If he did, he could have something different; still dismissive, but not THAT insinuation, oh no. Remembering my terrible my anxiety, and emotions were at that time, reminded me as well.
And I began to relax. Sometimes I have to go through certain emotions, but i always come around to checking myself, self therapy if you will. I can talk myself through just about anything. You have to give yourself closure sometimes. You can’t bank everything will go the way you think it will in your playbook. Learning yourself helps with the process. You have to know your triggers, be honest about how you act, your emotions must be stable, learn to switch up using your heart and mind. you cant just use one all the time. They must be balanced in use.
I learned how to get over and still maintain my dignity ( kinda, lol).
I learned my role. I figured since I grew up and matured since and while being with him, he had to; and he had talked about it. It just didn’t go how I thought it would. And that’s ok. That’s a door God wanted closed. And I’m ok with that. My role was to grow and flourish into a better woman and also to help him grow as well. I wished him luck on his new ventures. I know there is someone out there for me. I may have many suitors, but one Knight in shining Armour. I don’t know who he is, or when he will come, and I’m not worried about it. I love me, and my kids and myself are all I need.
Peace and Blessings